Neocities, tumblr, and the web

05/12/2024

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what I do in online spaces. I realized not too long ago that most of the content that I see online leaves me drained, it feels soulsucking, brainrotting. It's all "drama", consumerism, and the most stupid fandom discourse.

I'm forever chronically online, there's no denying that, but I wasn't having fun online anymore, maybe I do have a phone addiction. It's impossible to think about it as an addiction when everyone is sucked into their phones. When I was thirteen and I wanted to talk to my mom, but she wouldn't even listen to me because she was too busy being on her phone, on facebook, on whatsapp. When I was on a date, on my 19th birthday, and they would do the same thing, too busy texting someone else.

I remember telling them I wasn't gonna download tiktok, that it was trying too hard to be like vine. They told me some of it was genuinely funny, that I just didn't get it yet. Now 4? 5? 6? years later I ended up having to put a daily one hour timer for tiktok.

It's too easy to get sucked into an endless scrolling, video after video, you're not giving it even a second of your attention. Fried dopamine receptors. I am a victim of that too, always having to listen to something on the background, god forbid I hear my own thoughts.

I am not a good writer, in fact I'm no writer at all. And this won't make much sense, but its meant more for me than it is for you.

I don't like posting on social media, I never had. Maybe only when I was a 9 year old kid with a facebook account, and no critical thinking skills. But even then, I liked making edits on photoshop and running fan accounts. Naturally that led me to discovering tumblr.com. I made a blog there back in 2012? 2013? I was first a one direction blog, like every 12 years old girl should have been back then.

I recently remade my account, to what now is my 3rd blog on the site, (link is on my homepage if you care to find it.) I think tumblr did shape a lot of what I expect from online interactions and content. I appreciate the anonymity yet friendliness from total strangers. I enjoy only reblogging stuff, maybe I'll post an edit here and there, but I don't *have* to post anything myself in order to be active.

I know how ironic it sounds, given that I am now making my own little blog section on my own little webpage, but I guess I want you to understand that this is challenging for me, as it is entertaining in some way

Regardless, what I enjoy the most out of tumblr is how it feels like a little time capsule of everything my past self enjoyed. From one direction to doctor who, to emo bands to dan and phil, to star trek and star wars. And every meme I thought was funny for the last 10 years.

What does instagram capture? Important milestones sure, like my first kpop concert or my uni graduation. Or every time I posted a story waiting for an specific person's reaction. Vailidation. How someone that I never even dated still looks at everything that I post. Two of them actually, maybe three. Instagram is public, tumblr always felt more private, to me only and my own little world. Free to be myself. I might be cringe but at least I am free.

I, like many others, wanted to make a neocities to control my online experience. Make it fun. Make this to expand my own little world further. I'm also undiagnosed autistic and hyperfixated on making this for the past week. So here we are.

I also really enjoy the personalization and customization options that you only ever get with html editing. I started learning html and css less than two months ago. It feels nice to create something, to be creative again. Oh art school burn out when will I be free from you. Regardless, I've been having fun on here and will continue to spend more time developing this site than doomscrolling.